going through my history the past few days has been pretty therapeutic, i must say. though a lot of it has been bittersweet, and even painful with many many regrets.
the hardest one, I think, was a single entry written in a journal in March of 2009. In it, a letter to God. Questioning my relationship with Tave. Outlining all the questions that I still struggle with today. Stating all the facts that caused me to end it. 7. Months. Later. It took me so long. I knew, in March I knew, how bad he was for me. Why did it take me so long?
Well I'll tell you, its that quality in me that so many people "admire", the "best" thing about me. Its that thing I do... did... do, where when I love someone I commit. Fully. Completely.
Isn't it funny how the "best" thing about me, brought about my downfall?
If that was the best, what is the rest?
while your complete commitment is an admirable quality, it is not your best. not by a long shot.
ReplyDeleteyour best quality, twinsie, is your capacity to care and to keep caring. you have been through so much, you have every reason to give up on people, but you don't, you still manage to care about others. and that m'dear is a beautiful thing. i'm glad i'm one of those people, and i hope you know that i care about you too. i love you babydoll.