.

Everything hurts.
My eyes

My neck

My shoulders

my head.

jus t gotta makeit through tomorrow...

Well.

Valarien Root has really effected my life. No more nightmares and, for a while, no aching muscles when I woke. Not so this morning, my shoulders hurt as if they spent all night lifting 90lb weights.

It is probably because I messed things up.

I think he's beating me to the walking away part. And now, I realize I don't want him, or me, to go. Damnit.

Waiting.

Even now- one year and a half after I ended things with him I still am waiting for an explosion. Anytime I say something that conflicts with Grasshopper, I still cringe on the inside waiting for him to explode on me. I am constantly afraid that I am going to say or do that one thing that makes him hate me, the thing about me that he can't stand. Its frightening that I still feel this way- it doesn't feel like it will go away soon. I guess if Ghop is worth my time he'll stick it through. My life is just one long wait.