Pain

I'm scared.

That I've messed everything up. That I will never truly get over all of this.

I'm frightened.

That he was right. That maybe I never really was good enough for anything.

I'm afraid.

That I'm too good at lying to myself. That all my barriers will eventually end me.


I just want to be okay.
Why is that so hard today?
I work and play and laugh and pray,
Why does it feel like a big charade?

I want to know the sun will shine,
to feel a freedom so sublime,
to believe that peace will come in time,
To know that He still claims me, "Mine".

Give me wisdom from whence to know You,
Give me a heart with an understanding view,
Give me forgiveness loving and true,
Help me find comfort in simply, only, You.

one bad thing about the healing process

is that i can't not care any more...

i'm not brave enough to hurt him.

Quitter

I'm not a quitter. I don't stop doing things i set out to do.

I think that is why Lambuth still hangs over me.

Fail.