I didn't realize how much i was looking forward to the hearing being over until it was canceled.
Due to inclement weather, Lambuth University will be closed tomorrow. Thus his hearing will be postponed.
Bummer.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I have been blessed With so much more than I deserve
This is day 3 that I have felt an inner peace, a calm. I know that the emotional storm is coming, but I'm not as scared as I have been. I am incredibly lucky, incredibly blessed. God and I have not really been on the best terms lately, but I know for a fact that he has placed people in my life for this precise time. And it leaves me in awe. The amount of support I have received is unfathomable. I am loved and I am cherished.
I have a feeling the next 36 hours are going to be killer. I have to write both of my statements for the hearing tomorrow, then I have to actually go to the hearing. Then from there on out I have to pack, quit, withdraw, goodbye, move, unpack, settle, apply, audition, attend therapy and move on.
To Do Today:
Statement 1
Statement 2
Clean/organize my bedroom
Try to get Off the Hill
I have a feeling the next 36 hours are going to be killer. I have to write both of my statements for the hearing tomorrow, then I have to actually go to the hearing. Then from there on out I have to pack, quit, withdraw, goodbye, move, unpack, settle, apply, audition, attend therapy and move on.
To Do Today:
Statement 1
Statement 2
Clean/organize my bedroom
Try to get Off the Hill
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
I guess I should start out by announcing that I will be withdrawing from Lambuth University on Wednesday. I love Lambuth. I really, really do. I love my professors, I love the administration, I love all that the University stands for. But where they are in their journey, and where I am in mine just does not allow for my personal growth. Many people have said that it is a shame, because I was doing such great things for Lambuth. To be sure, I have loved the amount of involvement I have been able to accomplish at Lambuth; however, I am not paying upwards of $28,000 a year to work for a school. I need to be somewhere that will challenge me academically, socially, spiritually, and emotionally. I don't need to be at a school where I continue to live the 'big fish-small pond' life that I have had since High-school. As such, I'm taking the opportunity this recent trauma has provided and I'm 'jumping off the deep end' and I am moving home.
My time at Lambuth put me through the ringer, that is for sure. A bad relationship, a period of semi-estrangement from my family, partying, over-commitment, and finally, rape, has left me burnt out and completely different then the girl who walked beneath the Lambuth Gateway a mere 16 months ago. Honestly, I have gained a lot from my time at Lambuth. I've loved, I've laughed, I've learned, I've lost, and I have grown up a lot.
I am so excited to feel like my real self again. In that sense, moving home could be the best decision I've ever made. I want to reincorporate dance, theater, work, and true friends. I want to get involved in Parish life again. Conversely, I'm afraid it will make me stagnate. I will just wallow in the pain, work myself to death, and nothing will get better. I guess that there was a better chance of that happening at Lambuth though.
I am so thankful that I went back to school last week. Cheryl was fantastic, just what i needed to make it through the week. She was the validation that it was okay NOT to go to my meetings, NOT to attend class, that I AM normal, that I AM okay. She pushed me enough to get my necessities out of the way, to delegate all of my normal activities and then encouraged me and congratulated on anything that I pulled myself together enough to do. From putting on make-up to attending to Caf, she was there. What an incredible blessing.
Libby and I were watching SHAC's production of "Fiddler on the Roof" from the summer before my sophomore year. What a good time. :) Such a long time ago, but to me it seems like the start of the fall. Sophomore year was my hardest year in high-school. Everything after that seemed like it was healing. I don't even remember Junior Year. Senior year was good... Well second semester was good. And so far College has just been hard. I don't want to say that I want to go back, because I don't. (Well, I kinda do) But I need to find out where I am, and where I'm headed. I need time to heal. I need time to go back to the basics of what makes me happy. I need to not run away from my issues.
Anyhow, part of my plan for moving home it to write/blog everyday. That way I'm keeping track of myself.
Ciao
My time at Lambuth put me through the ringer, that is for sure. A bad relationship, a period of semi-estrangement from my family, partying, over-commitment, and finally, rape, has left me burnt out and completely different then the girl who walked beneath the Lambuth Gateway a mere 16 months ago. Honestly, I have gained a lot from my time at Lambuth. I've loved, I've laughed, I've learned, I've lost, and I have grown up a lot.
I am so excited to feel like my real self again. In that sense, moving home could be the best decision I've ever made. I want to reincorporate dance, theater, work, and true friends. I want to get involved in Parish life again. Conversely, I'm afraid it will make me stagnate. I will just wallow in the pain, work myself to death, and nothing will get better. I guess that there was a better chance of that happening at Lambuth though.
I am so thankful that I went back to school last week. Cheryl was fantastic, just what i needed to make it through the week. She was the validation that it was okay NOT to go to my meetings, NOT to attend class, that I AM normal, that I AM okay. She pushed me enough to get my necessities out of the way, to delegate all of my normal activities and then encouraged me and congratulated on anything that I pulled myself together enough to do. From putting on make-up to attending to Caf, she was there. What an incredible blessing.
Libby and I were watching SHAC's production of "Fiddler on the Roof" from the summer before my sophomore year. What a good time. :) Such a long time ago, but to me it seems like the start of the fall. Sophomore year was my hardest year in high-school. Everything after that seemed like it was healing. I don't even remember Junior Year. Senior year was good... Well second semester was good. And so far College has just been hard. I don't want to say that I want to go back, because I don't. (Well, I kinda do) But I need to find out where I am, and where I'm headed. I need time to heal. I need time to go back to the basics of what makes me happy. I need to not run away from my issues.
Anyhow, part of my plan for moving home it to write/blog everyday. That way I'm keeping track of myself.
Ciao
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