and it hits

today... it hit me. again.

i was polishing silverware. thinking about nothing. letting my mind wander. and all of a sudden it hit me. i was raped.

i.

was.

raped.


i'm that girl. the one you feel sorry for. the one that will never be you. the one you don't know how to talk to. the one you feel like you have to share your story with.

i'm her.


i wish i could cry. just open up and let it out.


i cried for a little while at therapy this week. i didn't even realize i was going too until i did, and even then, it was kinda an out of body experience.

i want to cry, and i want to feel it.


the only time i wish for a drink these days is to just free me from myself so i can let it all out.