The hardest is the panic. Its the loss of control. The feeling of chaos. The lack of comfort. It strikes at the most vulnerable moments of my day.
I flashback, I think he's yelling at me when its really nothing, I feel controlled when it is support, I fear commitment when stability is what I long for. I have to fight so hard to not self sabotage. It is instinctual sometimes.
I get so afraid that I can't trust my judgment. I have trust issues with my own happiness. I can't believe that I truly am happy, or content. I think I must be running, repressing, hiding.
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