Something I have always found interesting is the ebb and tide of relationships. It is incredible to me how at one moment you may feel totally connected to someone and then a few short weeks later they feel like complete strangers. It is natural I suppose, I'm guilty of it. Extremely guilty. I tend to compartmentalize everything. So it is not surprising that I am the queen of walking out at a moments notice. This ebb and tide is scary though, especially when it comes to those closest to you. I feel as though I am losing touch with the world I used to inhabit. Its amazing how I can break down the past few years into phases. Its not surprising that I'm not sad to leave my most recent state of things behind. It was a safe and restraining place, one that I was never meant to stay in long term. I feel the earth shifting, the needs I have changing. I am finding or reverting to new/old ways to numb the pain. To run away. Maybe all of this musing is just the embodiment of Seasonal Depression. Who knows. I've been back on my supplements and I'm using the hormone therapy cream. To no avail yet, but its only been four days. I need to run today. Today starts the 'official' training for the 1/2 marathon. I keep thinking I want to flake out of it, but I really feel heavy. I know I'm currently at the highest weight of my life. I don't like it. It doesn't help that my 'closest' friend keeps telling me my ass is so huge it could take up its own zip code. -rolls eyes- I'm looking into going back to therapy. I know I said that already, but I think it would be a good idea.


Am I really running toward solutions?