I feel so accomplished

I finally cleaned my room today. I'm totally unpacked and moved in. You can see my floor. Its nearly utopian!

Hurray Productivity!

Tonight

I saw him. Well, it wasn't really him, but the point is, I thought it was.

I don't know what else to say.

It was awful.

Thank God for Scott.

musing

i haven't written anything meaningful lately.

nothing life changing.

nothing like a breakthrough.

i don't feel like i have moved forward at all. conversely, i don't feel that i'm regressing either. i just feel that i am moving back and forth horizontally. pacing my same path, discussing my same situation, reassuring my same sanity over and over and over again.

i hate this part.

i really wish that i could just move on. repress repress repress. move on. be happy again. sucks that it doesn't work that way.

A Blessing.

A blessing has come into my life, in the form of a friend.

I am so thankful.

And so incredibly blessed.

It's just different.

When people actually have been through what I've been through.

When they know exactly how I'm feeling.

When they know that nothing they can say will really make it better.

When they know how much I hurt every second of every day.

When they aren't interested only to make themselves feel like better friends.

There is a sincerity, an honesty, a hope.

It is just different.

Be Okay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU3472bvdHI

I hate it when...

I have something to say, and no one cares. I hate it more when I have something to say and it gets discounted by "are you on your period?" or "you're really exhausted aren't you?"

I hate it when I see things are wrong, and I try to help, but, because of my past I get discounted.

I hate that I care.

I hate that you wont leave me alone.

I hate that I can't stand to be by myself.

I hate that nothing seems to be getting better, really.

I hate that I hurt.. so much.

I hate that I can't trust any more.

I hate that you don't understand how vulnerable you make yourself.

I hate being judged.



I'm sad today.