Announcement

I will not be returning to school this fall.

At the risk of being a total wash-up and failure, I make this choice.

I was returning for two reasons: 1. Because of the HOPE scholarship. 2. Because I felt/feel like I didn't/don't deserve to be happy. I fucked up so much at Lambuth that whatever I ended up doing this year, I deserved it; Even if I was completely miserable. I just needed to shut up, keep my head down, and move forward. Get that god-forsaken Bachelor's Degree out of the way so I could get on with my life. Here's how that would have ended up: I would have taken 18 hours, worked 30+, gotten involved with things so that it looked like I was living a fulfilling life, when, in reality, I would have become an alcoholic. I would be involved in things, but only on an administrative level. I would not have connected. Not been real. I would be drunk all the time. Functioning, but DRUNK. I do not deserve that life. I do not deserve that misery.


I deserve to be happy. or at least, manageable.



So, I'm researching options for the fall. Americorps, Camps, other places to live.

We'll see.